Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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