I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
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In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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