i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
