im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
