I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
