plz talk dirty to me
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize