sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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