his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
