As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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