clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
