woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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