PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
