i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think people are normalizing furries
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
