i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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