shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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