Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i now understand why vodka
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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