pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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