So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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