I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
