The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
