while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
