This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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