mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
