I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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