They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
