he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
