I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize