I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
