I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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