just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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