let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
