I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
