nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
