I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
