I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
