i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
