Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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