I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
