i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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