I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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