If i come over, it means nothing
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
