He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
