So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
