toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
be right there i have to get my cape
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize