Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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