You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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