piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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