I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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