I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
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I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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