Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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