You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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