You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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