he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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