I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
