Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
