you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
