you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
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I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
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Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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