It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
