Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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