Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
