I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
