I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
