i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
