My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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