He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
