Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
