my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Buhtt sex?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
