I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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