as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
