He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize