I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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