I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
