Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
