i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize