dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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