You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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